Eris of Disqordia

Writings of a fediverse supervillain with anxiety

cw: eris mention

Really? Another white bitch writes a fucking essay about Mastodon? How much of more of this Elizafox Ben Lubar shit will keep happening. If Eris doesn’t stop I’m going to defederate from Earth. This planet has ZERO moderation and it’s honestly pathetic.

*cough*

Yes, it is I. Supervillain Eris. Come to talk about the latest fedi meta and the infamous Monads. Who you either think is obsessed with me or you think I’m obsessed with depending on what awful thread you read to update yourself on the latest drama.

If you’re anything like me, you probably find it exhausting, played out, and just fucking boring like there’s so much worse shit going on in the world than drama on an obscure social media platform. But I’m stuck in it whether I like it or not, so I’m gonna write about it to at least have my narrative out there instead of told for me and about me.

First off, no, I don’t apologize for anything I’ve ever said ever. I’ve never done anything wrong. Ever. I’ve never even made a mistake before. I’m perfect.

Well unless you take into account that I’m a harsh asshole who’s been jaded by far too much from a life that probably no one on fedi has ever gotten a true glimpse into and I become toxic when gaslit and dogpiled. Yes. I am aware. I am a lot. So is fucking everyone involved in all this. We are literally all projecting our traumas at each other, not just in this situation but like, social media as a whole, but usually it stops when its supposed to and doesn’t become whatever this clusterfuck of a situation is.

Okay so, stepping back. Background.

I am Eris. Eris Disqordia. Aaahh oh no! Not that one! (And can I just say how funny it is that after thousands of years the way people react to the name Eris hasn’t changed once, it’s just a history of being rage-inducing because a lady threw an apple)

I’ve been on fedi for 3 years, and most of that time has been on Mastodon. I was on knzk, berries, bofa, radical.town, witches.live, you name it. I’ve never liked keeping an account for too long, because I’m an evolving human being who has been on this platform since I was homeless, since before I transitioned, but through that time I generally followed the same people, other leftist trans people like myself for the most part. That provides it a certain pseudo-anonymity, something we still have, but it isn’t as common anymore to have all these fun new Mastodon instances popping up where you get to craft all new personas and try out different themes and roleplays, because at this point the novelty of Mastodon has worn off, and certain cliques have enforced a certain culture and expected behavior after the fallouts of the berries.space drama, the Auntifa drama, the Wil Wheaton drama, the bofa drama, the many eugen dramas. And to some extent that’s fine, you know, like bad shit happened and it’s okay for the community to normalize and learn how to avoid future problems through a general social etiquette.

But from that, certain accounts have decided that this is what they were born to do. This is their calling: to harass anyone who’s “bad for the community” off the platform. They are the Protectors. The Vigilantes. (The cops.) And the community decided well okay, they’re agreeable, they’re leftists, they usually dunk on people who deserve it, there’s probably a virtuous reason for them to do so. And I’m sure plenty of the people they’ve harassed have been genuine assholes, but yeah basically they’ve now made Mastodon the perfect harmony and socialist utopia it is today where nothing bad happens (…right? hello??).

Enter the growing underbelly.

They call it all Pleroma, but there’s also Soapbox and the right wing Mastodon instances, including Gab which ran its own fork of Mastodon.

The underbelly has its own culture, but generally it’s where people end up if they come from chan boards with an edge already or they’re kicked off of most Mastodon instances, or a friend already in it brings them over. It doesn’t have as many users, but there’s still nonetheless *thousands* of instances that are part of it. They just usually federate with each other and stay off the radar until they interact with a Mastodon user, who goes to the fediblock hashtag to report it to the fedi police, the usual people dunk on it, and a single person (yes, one person) would put an “official” list together of every reported instance, after they individually have the final say in what’s concern-worthy and what’s not (kinda like a monarchy, except that it can get away with saying it’s a guideline or recommendation so it’s totally different).

Now meanwhile the fedi cops have gotten stressed. They’ve made themselves a target so many times by trying to harass someone off the platform that they’ve probably all been called everything and the criticisms of the common folk start to sound like noise. “I wouldn’t have 1,312 followers if I wasn’t a good person” they say, and thus get to get out of any genuine criticism against them individually, and their friend the fediblock admin decides any fediblock recommendations against *them* are just, like, you know, probably from bad people anyway so its not valid, get over it.

The stress gets to them. Their power starts to get weaker. The shit that happens to them gets worse and they start to get jaded and meaner themselves because “this platform is just so fucked up and people need to listen when a [blank] points out that this is happening, this person is [form of oppression] and like its so tiring that this happens”. You’ve heard the rants before, it’s usually the last ditch effort to bury someone when their reasons for canceling them don’t stick. But they know this *works* because no one in good conscience would actively side with someone who intentionally oppresses others.

But from this they have gone after:

pixie.town, anarchism.space, todon.eu, weirder.earth, rage.love, chaos.social, disqordia.space, cybre.space, mastodon.social, is.badat.dev, witches.live, snouts.online, kolektiva.social, vulpine.club, fedi.absturztau.be — and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

They harass the creator of Mastodon itself to get their way. They have sent sexual images to minors thinking they have a solid “gotcha!”. They’ve harassed disabled people, and joked about harassing them through their screen readers. They send everyone images of pig shit and an uncensored, improperly tagged dick. They are basically everything bad about 4chan harassment culture except with a leftist spin that they think makes it okay.

And what about Eris?

For me the “drama” started out pretty light. And then it got worse. And worse.

At first it started when I was on kolektiva.social. I got into an argument with one of their users ranting on about how anyone who experiences mental changes from hormones is lying because “there’s no such thing as a female or male brain”. Nevermind that the brain is subject to something called neuroplasticity where hormones can in fact shape it, I brought up the mental changes that I’ve experienced as a non-binary transfemme on estrogen, only to have that user freak out that I must be talking about a female brain. To this day they hold up that lie, but in comparison to everything else, this is fairly minor.

The real issue was when multiple Monads users started going after a black disabled person on Kolektiva. This person was a cis dude ranting on about racism within trans spaces. This wasn’t a particularly unique situation for him because to this day he still passionately calls out racism in every space, but they took issue with him speaking out against it among trans people because he is not trans.

Had it just been a criticism, it would be understandable. But they harassed him and then harassed the Kolektiva admins to ban him or they would defederate from Kolektiva and add Kolektiva to their list of instances that they talk shit about regularly (a fate that kolektiva did not avoid). The admins limited his account to talk to him, but he took this as white admins caving to white people trying to push off a black user, and so he left to weirder.earth where the admins took him in and called out Monads for being racist.

I’m sure you’ve seen the memes and posts about weirder.earth being bad and the racist one actually. This is where that stems from. Literally all because they took in someone being harassed, because Monads would prefer black and trans folks that speak out against them to be disappeared entirely.

I say hey, this is fucked up. You’re all dogpiling him and forcing the mods’ hands. Stop harassing him. The Kolektiva mods tell me I need to stop talking about it because they want to remain federated with Monads, and I end up the next target as a result of trying to protect my friend from harassment, so I leave kolektiva for deadinsi.de for a while before I jump to Pleroma and eventually make my own instance where I’m not subject to the whim of abusive twerps.

Enter Disqordia

Disqordia is my Pleroma instance, the idea behind it was at first just to be a single-user instance but then people wanted to join and get off their other platforms. I was aware that Pleroma was received as scary and evil, but at the end of the day it’s lighter on resources, has emoji reacts, and the UI is more comfortable to use, so I stuck with it.

At first when it was a single-user instance I kept an open federation policy just because it doesn’t really impact anyone. With that I started interacting with all these instances I’ve never heard of before — poa.st, kiwifarms, shitposter.club. And that started to get Disqordia in trouble because these are the “canceled instances”. I ended up defederating with poa.st and kiwifarms because I intervened when I saw them stalking and harassing pretty much every trans user on fedi. From harassing a cybre.space user asking for financial help, to using and laughing at a myasstodon.xyz user’s lewd account that wasn’t protected, to then gangstalking me and trying to get me to commit suicide. These instances aren’t cute or fun and they also need to be monitored better by leftists on fedi because otherwise they get away with everything. But that’s not the fedi way, we ignore and pretend its not happening.

Still to this day I have screenshots used against me of me interacting with these bad instances despite my lengthy defederation announcement calling out their harassment: https://disqordia.space/notice/A8jdOs4PWm0i7vFhXU

I didn’t know who they were before, I’m not versed in the underground channer culture of transphobes, and I defederated on my own terms. That it’s used against me still is absurd tbh but I digress.

Along this time, I made friends, I keep interacting with people…

Meanwhile….

Monads and co are having a collective meltdown. They wanted me to disappear and I didn’t. They start going after my friends. They stalk my profile to see who I interact with so they can ban them too. They pressure instance after instance to defederate from Disqordia. It never really did stick as well as they hoped because Disqordia’s doing just fine, never ended up actually fediblocked, and can still interact with most instances.

For me the stressful part came from them going after my friends. You can attack me and I can handle it, but people who interact with me have nothing to do with your weird obsession and drama. This continues for MONTHS. I made the instance in March, and it’s now been 4 months that this has gone on of these people talking badly about me, freaking out about my existence every few weeks, and harassing anyone related to me.

Eventually that wears me down, and I join dot social to tell them to fuck off and put an end to this, because me ignoring it has never worked. They start acting like they’ve been attacked, they try to label me as a “threat to safety” (something trans women are used to hearing from the right wing, not the left). They want me to be banned and Gargron doesn’t bow to their whim when the most I’ve done is be mean to them in response to months of abuse and gaslighting.

And so here we are today.

Odds are this essay may not have much of an impact in changing the situation but hey maybe it was an entertaining read for someone.

I don’t really want to continue this drama. I want it to end. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Normal people have arguments, block each other, and forget their existence. But the Monads way is to block and then continue talking badly, to go after friends, to go after marginalized people, to blackmail admins into giving into their demands lest they start abusing their instance the same way. They’ve gone from vigilantes to the dickweeds of the fediverse. Odds are you’re familiar with this reputation. You can search “monads.online” on Twitter and find at least three instances in the past few months where people talk about the same things happening to them.

At what point does it stop? They’re safe from fediblock because of their long history of being the fediblockers. Most admins give in to just avoid being bullied themselves. They craft whatever narrative they wish and act as abusive as they want.

They are the leftist Kiwifarms, and I’m tired of being their lolcow. One day it could get someone killed just like they’ve already almost pushed several trans people to suicide.

That’s it, that’s the end. If you read this and think that I still deserve all the shit I’ve been through when at the end of the day I have only ever been calling out abuse they dish out to my friends, well, there’s no changing your mind.

I don’t force anyone to stop interacting with them. I don’t want to act like them. I don’t want people to defederate from them. But I do hope that one day they see accountability, something they demand of everyone else but are exempt from needing to hold themselves to.

Until then, I’m vibin’

I want to be invisible. I’m tired of being seen. Because when I’m seen, you don’t see me. I was born cursed, a beast. I don’t want to scare you. I hope this doesn’t inconvenience you. I stay away for your comfort. I stay away from your spaces. I am not seen. I won’t be your monster. I am uncomfortable for your comfort. But that’s okay.

Raped by the monster. He takes my humanity. Thoughts become hard. I cry for help but no one’s there. I am broken, damaged. I am a monster. A beast.

Strength. Rebirth. I’ve killed the monster but I’ve lost touch with the human. What am I? I’m still broken, but I start to see me. In the mirror is not a beast. It’s me. I see me. A new face, but a familiar face. My body changes. I’ve lost my claws and fur. I’ve killed the beast and gained the human. The monsters know.

The war never stops. I have slayed many beasts but there’s no end in sight. The wounds bleed out. The bite and claw marks decorate my body. But I’m not alone. You fight yours too. But you see me and still see a monster. I’ve overcome but yet I am still a beast. A predator. You make your territory clear. You’ll slice me down just the same. And so I fight the monsters alone.

You cry for your lost sisters. How can we lose another one? Yet here I am, lost, bleeding, alone. I beg for you to see me. But sins I’ve not commit can’t be atoned. And so I beg again to not be seen. I want to be invisible.

dsfs

Cum